Smuts Ngonyama and Joel Netshitenzhe, the spokespeople, respectively of the African National Congress and the government, this week gave new depth to the term "spin", didn't they?

Think about it - I'll get back to them. First let me see the scene.

Last Saturday, Bulelani Ngcuka, the national director of public prosecutions, held a press conference where he said there was a prima facie ("on the face of it") case against Jacob Zuma, the deputy president, but that it was not a winnable case.

If this, by the way, did not present Zuma with a winnable case of crimen injuria against Ngcuka, then I'm a monkey's auntie - but judging by some of my nephews and nieces, I might well be.

Then the charge sheet against Schabir "shake, rattle and roll" Shaik was released and it suggested a R1,2 million money trail that began at the French defence company Thales and led ultimately to Zuma.

According to the charge sheet, Thales paid "lobbying fees" of R500 000 a year to Rattle and Roll's Nkobi Holdings. It is alleged that some of this money was then channelled to deal with debts incurred by Zuma in connection with his Nkandla development in northern KwaZulu-Natal.

Many of us were then treated during the week to pictures of and words about the Nkandla development - said to be the "palatial retreat".

I don't know about you, but to me - and, trust me, I live in a humble cottage with a very small kraal attached - Zuma's Nkandla family compound looked about as palatial as Brakpan high school, and much smaller to boot.

It was also "discovered" that the deputy president had spent, over a two-month period, 50 fat ones on fancy duds at an "upmarket" Durban establishment called Casanova where - wait for it - "imported labels such as Hugo Boss" are stocked.

I don't know if I have simply become world-weary and cynical as a result of spending too much time with journalists - I have to walk past them when I go to the loo, and so on - but I think we need to sort certain things out.

First off - as a former columnist of this newspaper pointed out in connection with Tony Yengeni, former chief whip of the ANC - we should not be snide about male people of colour choosing to be gorgeously dressed. I forget the precise reason for this, but there was some sort of cultural imperative at work.

In any case, Maude Tremolo-Derriere, a girlfriend of mine, can easily splurge 50 fat ones on clothes in a month, never mind two months, especially when she's depressed.

You know how it is : when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping. And, if you were Zuma, would you not in recent years have increasingly smelt over your shoulder the bad breath of the Black Dog (as Winston Churchill used to refer to mental depression)?

Second, after a poor rural childhood, Zuma went out to bat for the struggle, an innings that included a decade on Robben Island. So? So now - or, rather, a couple of years ago - it was payback time. Family members were all touching the poor fellow for money; being deputy president is not an inexpensive business (keeping up with the Mbeki's and all that); and an opportunity presented itself in terms of which he could give his wallet a little fillip.

Most importantly, as a business person was explaining to me the other day, there are certain business sectors that are generally acknowledged to include "a cost of doing business" and everyone knows the arms business is one of these.

All arms traders build a little "lobbying cost" into their budgets; they'd be pretty stupid if they didn't.

Ah, I hear you cry, but we can't have government officials cashing in on national business. We can't have corruption running riot at the highest levels of government.

Why not? It's how we do things here; its just the old South African way. People such as, for example, Tony Leon, have to stop this nonsense of comparing our behaviour to foreign models such as the English one.

Clearly, one of the worst things ever to have happened to this country was the agreement on our constitution, which contains principles and ideals that are simply not South African.

So there. Mr Shaik, Mr Zuma - not all of us are wimps. You know where to send my money. But, for heaven's sake, don't channel it through Nkobi Investments.

To return to Ngonyama and Netshitenzhe, however. After the week's shenanigans, what did these two august gentleman have to say?

Netshitenzhe explained on Thursday that Zuma had said he wanted to go to court, so therefore he must be innocent. QED.

Hello? Every bad guy from Al Capone onwards was proclaimed, self-righteously, that he wanted to have his day in court.

As for Ngonyama, he said that Zuma had to be presumed innocent until proven guilty.

Then, on Thursday night, long before the rugby football union enquiry into Geo Cronje, the alleged racist rugby player, had pronounced its verdict, Ngonyama found Cronje guilty until proven innocent.

These are strange days indeed.

With acknowledgements to Karen Bliksem and the Sunday Independent.