You rule! Ben Trovato has spent the past week breaking as many laws as he could to celebrate the end of the rule of law in South Africa, including spray-painting South Africa’s new coat of arms on a church wall ­ far right

South Africans are not stupid. Nor are they spineless.

The reason people haven’t taken to the streets in protest against the dropping of charges against Jacob Zuma is because they have grasped the full import of what has happened here.

The rule of law, widely unpopular to begin with, has officially been shelved. Eight years and R100-million later, common sense and reason have finally prevailed. For this, we have two men to thank: Mokotedi Mpshe and Willie Hofmeyr have done a spectacular job and theirs deserve to be the first two names entered into the new pantheon of heroes.

In the beginning, there were Mandela and De Klerk ­ midwives. In the end, there were Mpshe and Hofmeyr – undertakers. Black and white. Still side by side. But now, at least, we can stop pretending.

All prosecutions will henceforth be deemed a threat to national security due to the heightened risk of accused persons making representations and the increased likelihood of said accused persons possessing tapes of conversations, whale calls, Karen Zoid and so on.

Our courthouses will be turned over to a department of welfare, police stations will become schools and the cells converted into classrooms. That should bring down the truancy rate.

With Pretoria no longer needed as the legislative capital, it can be turned into a 4x4 adventure theme park in which people get drunk and kill each other with impunity. In that respect, nothing changes.

MPs will be strip-searched and given bus fare home. Parliament itself will be transformed into a hydroponics hothouse in which marijuana is cultivated for medicinal, religious and recreational purposes. The ministry of justice will become the ministry of pork pies.

I, for one, welcome this new dispensation. For a long time, I have suspected that a great many legal practitioners are the holes in the ass that is the law. You only have to look at Judge John Hlophe for evidence of that. If Hlophe won’t go, then the law must.

And, thanks to Zuma providing the catalyst, it has. Now we are truly free to do as we please. In the bad old days (last weekend), most of us were too afraid to do anything for fear of falling foul of the iniquitous criminal justice system ­ a barbaric anomaly designed to prevent us from having a jolly good laugh.

I’ve spent the past week breaking as many laws as I can, starting with disobeying a sign ordering me not to walk on the grass, which wasn’t nearly as exciting as I thought it would be. Then I spray-painted South Africa’s new coat of arms on a church wall and walked naked along the beach front. Cops smiled and waved. The highlight of my week, though, was breaking into someone’s home and taking their stuff. It’s great fun, let me tell you. Right now, I can hardly wait to finagle my first arms deal contract.

I love the smell of anarchy in the morning. It smells like victory.

With acknowledgements to Ben Trovato and Sunday Times.